New language

So I decided after all this time that I would attempt to learn French again. It just felt like the right time and it is going so much smoother this time. Amazing after 4 years of German in high school which I spoke fluently and 2 years of Spanish in college which I was getting good at that I can even pick this up.

I am getting slightly confused on some of the words but greatly impressed by how much I have learned. What in the world made me decide to learn a language that no one in my household speaks? I mean no one will be able to have a conversation with me. No one will understand what in the world I am talking about… maybe that’s it.

It means that I will actively have to find other people to engage with. People who speak French as well and maybe just maybe I will be able to have a small life outside of my house and my pain. Granted I know I won’t be able to leave all the time but maybe a I can get a French pen pal. Hey maybe it might get my kids interested in it. Who knows??!!! All I know is that I felt like it was time to do this for me so I did and I am very excited and proud of how far I have come!

Wow now I have to enable French in MS word

Dealing

Only one night this week have I been able to sleep all night. It amazes me that no matter what time I go to sleep… what time I get up… how long I stay up… or if I take a nap I always seem to wake up at 4:00 am. It’s like clockwork.

I laughed as I told Terrence that maybe I am doing the “Amityville” thing. This illness is so unpredictable and makes me feel so inadequate sometimes. Can I not sleep because of the pain, the heat, the shivers, the feeling like something is crawling on me or the “princess in the pea” syndrome where everything underneath the sheets feels like it is made of rocks.

I don’t want to become a druggie. Where the only way I can get sleep and stay sleep is by popping a pill.

When I wake up I don’t want to bother anyone else and fear of walking downstairs consumes me. What if I fall and no one hears? What if I pass out and no one is there? This timing… this problem overwhelms me but what can I do except… deal with it.

Wow just deal……